July's First Week--Havoc

I'm not doing so well this week. Correction: I'm feeling like S#!% this week.

One major contributing factor is my inability to NOT binge. I started most days with my usual run and feeling good about myself, and then BAM! Something happens and I mope in the kitchen cupboard with food shoved into my face. Most binges I estimate are about 1,000 Cal. This makes me feel like such a slob. Like one of those cliche women who shovels chocolate icecream down their throats in an attempt to bury their emotional breakup.

Of course, this means I backtracked this week. I just looked online with my measurements, and guess what--I'M FATTER. Yeah, that's right. Emotional, stressed eating makes people fat. But that's nothing new to the diet world. We've all known it. But the unfortunate just cannot break it. I don't plan to keep my misfortune.

Today was probably the most stressful of the week. I got home from a pathetic 2 mile aerobic run and my mom calls me over and complains about my ACT scores. I know they need improvement, and I know I need to study and take the summer program to help prepare myself so I can get accepted into one of my desired colleges. But she's freaking out about EVERYTHING--her major 25th anniversary trip, my brother studying for MCAT, her recording studio, money, our dog, her work, my post-high school life...everything. So she spent probably 3 hours complaining and fighting me about my ACT even though I was on her side.

Not to mention, we have a chipmunk problem. They're digging holes all over our yard, so we invested in a harmless trap-and-release trap to catch them. I've been catching them for at least 3 years, and no chipmunks have died under my hand. Until today. I feel like crap, because the poor (probably young) fellow died because I intervened with it's life.I feel like I was careless, and I should have been more responsible to prevent the chipmunk's death.

So, I now ponder upon my fat-ass, thinking of ways to help better myself. I plan on making a list of things to do when I feel tempted by the accursed foods. Once the list is made, I'll post it as a page. Although, I'll forewarn readers--the list may apply more to me than the general public as I have weird hobbies.

Until later, stay focus on your goals. Carpe Diem!

Last day of June

I woke up this morning...at 3am.....by my stomach. It was shouting, "WAKE UP!!!! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!!!! I'M SO HUUUNGRY!!!! FEED ME NOW!!!! GET OUT OF BED AND FEED ME NOOOOW!!!

I wanted to shout back to it, "SHUT UP! Yes, I KNOW you're hungry. But I'm so freak'n EXHAUSTED that I'm not going to get out of bed and undo yesterday just to satisfy you!"

The argument went on for about an hour and a half. It was impossible to sleep. I wanted to stab my stomach and remove it. Luckily, I didn't have the energy to move and carry out that plan. lol

In the morning, I went for my usual run, but I still felt extremely hungry. I went 4 miles, and it was laborious from lack of energy. But I pushed myself.to not stop (or throw up). Luckily, at the end, my stomach stopped feeling hungry. although, the hunger returned about noon time. I was in control when I was alone though. I didn't eat anything, was wasn't going to.

But I had my weak moment. About 5pm-ish, my dad came home with my brother. They hung out in the kitchen and ate in front of me, and I caved in. I ate a banana and a fat-free yogurt. Then later, my mom returned home with Chinese fast food. I wanted to contain myself and eat little, but my body and stomach was craving meat, and I ate too much pineapple chicken. I should be hungry now, but I'm not.

I'm going to do the SGD starting tomorrow. I feel confident. First day, I get to have 400 calories. I should save that for dinner. I know! I'll make a salad when my mom is cooking, cover most of my plate with it, and eat most of my salad and barely touch the other foods. I hope this works!